Eeyore’s Friends

It was going to be one of Rabbit’s busy days. As soon as he woke up he felt important, as if everything depended upon him. It was just the day for organizing Something, or for Writing a Notice Signed Rabbit, or for Seeing What Everybody Else Thought About It. It was a perfect morning for hurrying round to Pooh, and saying, “Very well, then, I’ll tell Piglet,” and then going to Piglet, and saying, “Pooh thinks—but perhaps I’d better see Owl first.” It was a Captainish sort of day, when everybody said, “Yes, Rabbit” and “No Rabbit,” and waited until he had told them.

God has a sense of humor. If he didn’t, he would have populated the planet with one-size-fits-all personalities. Everyone would think the same, behave the same, and laugh at all the same jokes. No one would be extroverted, introverted, quick-tempered, or shy. All people would be a nice, bland vanilla, rather than the tutti-frutti mix that now complicates our relationships.

But God didn’t choose to do it that way. He took great care to form personalities in a kaleidoscope of brilliant hues. Like snowflakes, no two are exactly alike. The extensive variety must give him great pleasure, or he certainly went to a lot of trouble for nothing. And, as Hamlet said, “There’s the rub.” 4

Our differences are the things that irritate, confuse, and enchant us. They are what makes life interesting and at the same time painful, as one personality rakes against another and knocks off the rough edges. Differences force us to communicate in ways that are unfamiliar and uncomfortable. They make us stand amazed as we scratch our heads wondering why others can’t understand us when we all speak the same language. Connecting with other personalities requires us to bend when we’d rather stiffen and stand when we would rather melt away. All in all, the situation is quite impossible. “Oh, bother,” as Pooh would say.

The writings of Pooh creator A. A. Milne have enchanted adults as well as children for almost eighty years. One reason is the distinct way in which he honors God’s great variety of personalities while at the same time accenting those idiosyncrasies with which we best identify. To have accomplished this within the framework of a child’s interest and vocabulary is truly phenomenal.

When reading Winnie-the-Pooh or The House at Pooh Corner, one is almost guaranteed to meet some relative, childhood friend, or coworker who is just like Tigger or Rabbit or Owl, not to mention Eeyore. Milne’s insight into the interplay between these characters is keen.

Yet isn’t this exactly what we should expect from any creative writer? A good writer must be able to pick out particular mannerisms, words, and expressions that show distinctness of personhood. Characters are fleshed out with a unique set of these details that distinguish them and make them breathe on paper. But if the distinctions are carried too far, the character will feel foreign to the audience and somehow fake. Every detail must be held in balance. The personality traits must all fit together to form a tapestry that is both distinct and vaguely familiar. The better a writer can do that, the more connected we feel to each character and the more easily we identify them with real people we know.

The fact that characters do resemble people we know assures us that for all the variety within God’s creation, there is also a sameness, an order, allowing us to see people as groups as well as individuals. Identifying exactly which traits, mannerisms, feelings, and thinking patterns best represent a particular group has fascinated not only writers but also scientists for centuries.

Pigeonholing People

I am not sure where the term pigeonhole came from. Perhaps pigeons in cages have small cubbies where the birds make neat nests. But no matter the source, I like pigeonholes very much—especially when I am working. I always feel better when I can take a file, paper, stray pencil, or CD and put it in its proper place along a neat row of small boxes. Pigeonholes are a great asset.

Anything in several varieties becomes more manageable when similar items are grouped together, creating order. We sort everything from papers on a desk to trash for recycling. We also sort people. The process is unavoidable, and as long as we balance the sorting with a healthy respect for individual differences, it is not a bad thing. Scientists have been trying to pigeonhole people for thousands of years.

The Greek physician Hippocrates (460–377 bc) may have been the first social researcher. He looked around at the immense variety of fellow human beings and decided they could fit into four groups. Not knowing much about brains at the time, Hippocrates thought personalities came from a balance of body fluids: black bile (melancholic temperament), yellow bile (choleric temperament), phlegm (phlegmatic temperament), and blood (sanguine temperament). According to Hippocrates, emotional stability depended on a balance of the four fluids; an excess of one fluid or the other produced physical illness or an exaggerated personality trait.

A person with too much black bile (dark blood perhaps mixed with other secretions) was believed to produce a melancholic (depressed) temperament. An oversupply of yellow bile (secreted by the liver) would result in anger, irritability, and a “jaundiced” view of life. An abundance of phlegm (secreted in the respiratory passages) was thought to make people stolid, apathetic, and undemonstrative. And, of course, bright red blood produced a bright and happy personality that was full of energy.

Hippocrates must have been on to something. Although body fluids have been replaced with synaptic gaps and neurotransmitters, the belief that personalities are rooted in physical realities is still a part of us today. Hypocrites was also ahead of his time when he divided personalities into four categories. There have been hundreds of personality theories proposed since that time, and most of them utilize some combination of four categories. (A notable exception is an Enneagram based on a division of nine.)

In the late 1920s Isabelle Myers started working with the theories of C. G. Jung. She was fascinated with his division of personalities into two divisions, extroverts and introverts, but knew this designation alone was insufficient. Later, her daughter, Katharine Briggs, joined her in the careful and deeply researched work. By 1943 they were ready to publish the Myers-Briggs Personality Inventory. This highly popular test divides the human race into four continuums of basic characteristics: Extroverted/Introverted (E/I), Sensing/Intuition (S/N), Thinking/Feeling (T/F), and Judging/Perceiving (J/P). The system worked well and is widely in use today.

Thirty years ago, Tim LaHaye used a spin-off of Hippocrates’ work when he wrote Spirit-Controlled Temperament. He even retained much of the ancient terminology. In the late 1980s, Smalley and Trent got together (a combination that always ignites literary sparks), and by 1990 they gave birth to TheTwo Sides of Love. Through them we learned that determining whether you were a beaver, lion, golden retriever, or otter was an important issue.

The secular community was not far behind; by the mid-1990s we were working with red, blue, yellow, and white personalities. In Tennessee, T-shirts of appropriate colors were given out in the public schools, encouraging children each to know their own personality color and to honor the colors of others.

Almost everyone can remember a personality test they took during a seminar, clipped from a magazine, filled in during a job interview, or received from a professional who that told them what type personality they possessed and how they were likely to interact with others. As a professional in the field, I have taken more than my share of these, and as best I can figure, I am a choleric, green beaver with a P/T/S who splits the E/I continuum almost exactly in half! Another dozen nomenclatures could be added, and most—but not all—would be based in some division of four.

With all these fours and animals-types crawling about, I suspect I will cover most of humankind rather thoroughly by discussing how Eeyore relates to four of his friends.

The Donkey and the Rabbit

I identify with Rabbit more than any of Milne’s characters. Rabbit always has an agenda and is never happier than when in control of some project. Rabbits and Eeyores will inevitably clash. While both will be better for the collision, each will be a bit addled by it as well.

Shawn rehearsed his list as he shaved. Even though it was Saturday, he wanted to stop by the office briefly and check on the new computer backup CDs. But he had also made a commitment to spend more time with the kids. A recent sermon had convicted him of lack in this area, and above all, he wanted to be a good father. Maybe he and Susan could have a date night. That would be good. Of course, the lawn also needed attention.

When he returned to the bedroom, Susan was still asleep. He gently shook her shoulder. “Hon, I am going to run by the office for a minute, but I’ll be back in about an hour. Why don’t you and the kids have breakfast, and then I’ll take them to the park. Or, better yet, maybe we could all go for a picnic lunch. Be back soon.”

He was looking forward to a well-planned day, but when he returned home just before ten am, things were not at all as he expected. His three kids were munching a do-it-yourself breakfast of cereal and juice, and his wife was in the shower. Shawn opened the bathroom door and fought his way through a cloud of steam. “What about our picnic?” he shouted above the sound of rushing water.

“I don’t know,” said his noncommitting wife. “We are out of bologna, and if I have to go to the store for that, I may as well buy groceries. But if I buy groceries, there won’t be time to pack a lunch. We might not get to the park before one thirty. It will be awfully hot by that time of day.”

Shawn was disgusted. Why couldn’t that woman ever get on board with what he knew was best for the family? How could he fulfill his role as leader if she wouldn’t follow? Susan is just rebellious and unwilling to do her part in God’s plan, he thought.

Shawn didn’t know it, but his evaluation of Susan was dead wrong. This was not a clash of wills or a situation of rebellion against leadership. Shawn-the-Rabbit was just having a normal conversation with Susan-the-Eeyore.

The thing that irritates Rabbits most when relating to Eeyores is their woeful wishy-washy approach to life. Because Eeyores see problems to the right, they pause. Then on further consideration, they see problems to the left. Another pause. Reconsideration has them thinking about further problems that would probably arise if they went straight ahead. Processing all that data takes time. In fact, it may take so much time that action stops altogether.

Rabbits who live with Eeyores have two choices: take charge or take a rest.

There are times when Rabbit needs to take charge and bulldoze right past Eeyore. Someone has to initiate action, and action is Rabbit’s middle name. Eeyore’s negativism, resistance, and fears could stagnate until the world stopped spinning. He needs someone—and, strangely, appreciates someone—who will move in and take over. Of course, when you move forward and make decisions, expect Eeyore to notice if things don’t work out. Consider his “I told you so” to be a tax paid on the price of leadership, and let it go.

However, there are times when taking charge is the last thing a wise Rabbit should do. Good leaders look for occasions when they can stand back and give others room to process. It can be wise to let Eeyore taste the responsibility of leadership whether he wants it or not. If Rabbit is always taking charge, the only thing Eeyore will learn is resentment.

These two choices raise an interesting challenge for Rabbit. How does he know when to do which? Shall he move in and take charge or back off and let Eeyore process the problem?

The bad news is that for your specific situation I don’t have a clue. The good news is that the Holy Spirit knows exactly what you should do and is willing to share that information with any Rabbit willing to listen. You may have to humble yourself and admit your confusion. You may have to lay aside your personal agenda and listen to Eeyore’s wisdom and justified criticisms. You may have to trust God’s ability to control the situation even when you can’t clearly hear his voice. But over time you will find that he has led and his ways were best.

The Donkey and the Piglet

Remember Piglet? The shy little creature with large, excited ears? He and Eeyore make an unusual pair. Eeyore’s fears are largely of his own making, and he has a stubborn streak that resists even the possibility of good. Piglet, too, is fearful, but his fears are of a different quality. Timid and easily frightened, he is also pliable and willing to try if the prize is tempting enough.

Jody felt the energy of the piano flow through her fingers as she went over the recital piece one more time. Had the slight tremor that plagued her earlier in the week passed? Were the notes still weak at the point where power was required? Maybe. Perhaps she should not have tried out for the scholarship.

Her mother entered the room softly and sat listening to Jody play. So much depended on next Thursday’s audition. She could imagine Jody’s tears if the judges gave her low marks. The vision grieved her. Why had her precious daughter insisted on trying out? Yes, she had won the last four rounds of competition, but now she faced the best of the best. Her mother listened to the beautiful, complicated music and thought she heard a weakness in the upper notes. “Don’t forget those high notes. They are really important.” She hoped her correction would help.

The words stung. Jody continued to play, but her heart beat faster, and notes were less sure.

“I just wanted to remind you that it is really OK if you lose,” said her mother. “Not everyone must go to college to be a success.” She wanted desperately to ease the pain if Jody should lose. Preparing her in advance seemed a wise thing. Then if she won it would be a pleasant surprise, not an expectation.

On the other side of the room, Jody experienced the words very differently than her mother intended . Even my own mother doesn’t think I can win, the discouraging thought repeated over and over as the music rose to a crescendo. Jody-the-Piglet had just collided with Mama-the-Eeyore.

When Piglet relates to Eeyore, his major task is to resist being overwhelmed. That is not easy because almost everyone overwhelms Piglet.

Being overwhelmed by Tigger or Rabbit is not so bad for Piglet. He can join Tigger’s excitement and follow Rabbit’s plans, secure in the confidence of others. Even relating to Owl is not too difficult. All Piglet must do is avoid falling asleep amid the tons of Owl’s analytical verbiage. But Eeyore challenges Piglet to the core. For the timid to be overwhelmed by those who resist hope is a tragic thing indeed.

Yet, Piglet can learn some things from Eeyore better than from any other creature in the forest. Eeyore’s warnings and negative meanderings push Piglet to courage. Eeyore gives voice to Piglet’s own worst fears and makes him face possibilities that he would rather avoid.

The apostle Paul instructs us to “encourage the timid” (1 Thessalonians 5:14, NIV). One way to do that is by saying, “You can make it. I know you will succeed,” but another way is to force the timid to face the fear. This is a service Eeyore does best. When in close relationship with Eeyore, Piglet has to continually push himself to stand against Eeyore’s dire predictions of failure. While nerve-racking, the technique is not ineffectual. The results can lead to being a much stronger little pig.

Of course, piglets and rabbits are not the only creatures who must relate to donkeys. Owls and Tigers also make explosive companions also. We will teach them Eeyore’s next month.