Caring for Kids

An Accredited Organization of Parents Anonymous ® Inc.

by Imelda Tatsch

Honesty is always the best policy…isn’t it?

Often I have the opportunity to ask parents what values they hope to pass on to their children. Almost always honesty is first on the list. Then we talk about how since our children learn mostly from watching us just how honest are we?

Have you ever been given back too much change and decided to just keep it. What about when the phone rings and you say “tell them I’m not here” and your little one says “Daddy says he’s not here”.

Have they ever seen you call into work sick when you are not?

We don’t think too much about these little “white lies” until we have to discipline them for the same behavior and are quickly reminded by them.

On the topic of honesty and children we do know that children can be brutally honest. A mom told of how she had been driving a little too fast and was pulled over by the police…while the officer was taking her information, her 4yr old son asks “mom is he giving you another ticket”?

The officer replied “another ticket huh?”

Honesty!!! A child’s thoughts and observations often spill right off their tongue before they have been fully formulated in their mind. They see something and are curious. Their inquiring minds want to know. They want to know why that woman’s skin doesn’t fit on her face anymore or why is that person in a rolling chair.

I recall a trip to the store with my then 3yr old grandson who had often been told if he didn’t brush his teeth they would certainly fall out. On this day a very sweet older gentleman walked by us and grinned a big toothless grin at my grandson…oh you know where this is going. He said to me in his little voice at the volume that all three year olds have. "He didn’t brush his teeth did he?”

We quickly moved to the next aisle.

I once heard a little girl of 4 referring to her dad “he’s old, but I’m not old I’m new”

Don’t you love the way they see things?

We need to choose our words carefully when talking to our children. If you tell a 3 year old that dad will be late because he is tied up at the office or in a traffic jam it conjures up a completely different picture in her mind. Children can be extremely literal too. If you say its 8:30 and your child is in sight of the clock you will likely hear “actually it is 8:27”.

This of course gives them 3 whole minutes longer to play before bed time which they use up arguing over the correct time.

I have 6 grandchildren ages 4 to 12 and enjoy hearing life from their perspective. They often have a clearer view than we do, I think. Children are not caught up in the negatives most adults seem to focus on. I love their fresh look at things, how many different shades of green there are in the trees, or how that butterfly seems to float over the flowers. Look at that bird, that kitten the moon.

Children are honest and spontaneous and more importantly they are continuously watching, listening and learning from us. So whether you decide honesty is or is not always best, we do need to choose our words carefully…. But if we stop talking and listen, we can also learn a great deal from our children.

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Imelda Tatsch is the Program Director at the Northeast Texas Child Advocacy Center (NETCAC) located in Winnsboro, and her columns appear in their bi-monthly newsletter. In "Caring for Kids" she offers support, insight, and a touch of humor for parents and grandparents. She is a trained facilitator for parenting classes.

She will be happy to answer questions about parenting and family relationships. You can e-mail her with your questions.