CARING FOR KIDS
An Accredited Organization of Parents Anonymous ® Inc.
by Imelda Tatsch
Grand Parents day is September 7th…. Celebrate a grandparent!!!!!
Grand parents and great grandparents raising their grandchildren have reached astronomical numbers. According to an article in AARP “more than 2.4 million grandparents in the United States have grandchildren living with them, children for whom they are responsible.” (www.aarp.org).
The question often asked is why or how can this happen.
There are many reasons. I attended the funeral for the daughter of a very good friend. This young woman died suddenly leaving behind 5 children ranging in age from 4 to 16. Upon hearing of his daughter’s death my friend immediately, without question, began making preparations to take in these children.
My friend is not unique, I speak to one or more grand parents living right here in our community in the same position. Grandparents taking in their child’s child or children to ensure they will be safe and cared for because their child is just not capable for any number of reasons. It is amazing what we parents will do for our children.
When we are young parents just starting our families, we think our responsibility will begin when we bring them home and end when they leave the nest. We spend those early years working and making time for school plays, sporting events, recitals etc. In our future plans we will slow down and let them take over that job. We know that this is the ideal situation although we see it doesn’t end for so many.
As we see on regular basis moms and dads get off track somewhere, drugs and alcohol take over, incarceration or as in my friends’ case death. The kids caught in the middle, still need a safe stable environment, so grandparents step in. Seems like a good deal, after all grand parents should be good at raising kids they have already been through it once.
It’s not the same now though, too much has changed. These grandparents or great grandparents are now 50 years plus and facing the natural issues that come with age. The children are facing the loss of their home and parent. The discipline that may have worked 20 years ago will not work for today’s kids. It is a relearning process for all concerned.
Another article from AARP Grandparents newsletter featured a story about a set of grandparents raising 6 of their grandchildren. The children ranged in age from 2 to 11. The grandfather was quoted saying, "A lot of people may not understand this statement, and my wife doesn’t like me saying it, but I don’t really want these children, not because I don’t love them, but because this is not what I wanted to be. I wanted to be a grandfather. But I have to do what I have to do. It actually means giving up our lives.”
What he says sounds harsh but he probably voices the feelings of many.
Our grandparents are finding that unlike foster families they get little or no funding to help with the care of these children. As we know from listening to the news we are in an economic slump and most grandparents are living on Social Security which is barely enough to take care of them. Many are facing their own health issues or caring for an ill spouse. Very often the children are in need of continuous medical attention and/or counseling. Where do they go for assistance, how do they can get the medical and financial help they need to put these children through school and feed and clothe them?
As a community how can we pull together to help this rapidly growing population? At the Child Advocacy Center we began a Grandparent support group in an effort to bring together some of our local grandparents in this situation. Our purpose for this group is to offer a comfortable place for them to come and meet with other grandparents, to help each other, or maybe just to vent a little. If you or someone you know would like more information about this group please call 903-629-7588.
I would like to end with this. If you see yourself in this letter, bless you, it’s tough but what you are doing will be worth it for the children. If you are not in this position right now chances are you know someone who is, let them know how special they are and they are not alone.
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Imelda Tatsch is the Program Director at the Northeast Texas Child Advocacy Center (NETCAC) located in Winnsboro, and her columns appear in their bi-monthly newsletter. In "Caring for Kids" she offers support, insight, and a touch of humor for parents and grandparents. She is a trained facilitator for parenting classes.
She will be happy to answer questions about parenting and family relationships. You can e-mail her with your questions.